I got 99 problems

restlessness

2012-01-31T19:10:00.003+08:00

I've always felt this inexplicable need to venture and explore what's greater and beyond me. I want to go beyond the limits of travelling leisurely but truly live. Maybe one day I could be free. I won't stand on pedestal, bearing the depth of my unhappiness and general dissatisfaction in life.Since you've been gone.

2012-01-30T10:53:00.004+08:00

i am the one who's lost, i am the one who's confused. i am the one who's guilty, the one who's nightmares haunt me. i am the one who's sorry,the one who hurt you. but i am the one who loves you, i realy fucking do.i can put on a smile for the entire day but the pain in my heart never leaves.From: ahtokky_tok@hotmail.comTo: alexpjd@msn.comSubject: happpy anniversary!Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:09:47

2012-01-27T02:12:00.001+08:00

I love u. I really love u.

2012-01-27T02:12:00.000+08:00

I love u. I really love u.

2012-01-26T21:15:00.002+08:00

i leave not because i don't love you, i leave because i get used to you too easily.i treasure that very few hours just being with you alone.

2012-01-26T14:12:00.002+08:00

i miss you. that's a matter of fact. we've known each other for 4 years now. that's a long time to forget someone just like that.

2012-01-26T13:19:00.001+08:00

http://xstrologyscopes.com/articles/virgo/how-to-seduce-a-virgo-womanso many black virgos

2012-01-25T10:58:00.001+08:00

love of my life

2012-01-24T16:02:00.001+08:00

I cannot bear the tears that flow at night, the tug at e deepest of my heartstringsI was so happy.. So so happy.

missed me, mister

2012-01-24T15:25:00.001+08:00

Thursday is the day my heart's gonna break. It could have been the best day of my life.

2012-01-18T00:10:00.004+08:00

the more i see,the less i know,the more i'd like to let it go.

nostalgia

2012-01-16T10:59:00.003+08:00

how i would lie in my favourite sleeping position; with my head on your arm, facing away from you and holding your fingers. that i would tear silently while you sleep because the thought of losing you was so terrifying and so painful.i fought it for quite a while but the tears still flow.

2012-01-15T10:43:00.004+08:00

i have fear writing in this space. because right here were such wonderful memories and such pains and fears. i am sorry i chose to give up.but i was true, i was true. every ounce of me was true to you, for you.in times like this where i feel like i am going fucking crazy, and insanely worried about you, anthony bourdain's got to be my only solace.

2012-01-09T11:44:00.001+08:00

loving's for fools.

2012-01-07T11:08:00.003+08:00

i need to move out or i am going crazy. i need to move out. no one pushes my buttons like that but her. oh my god i need to fuck off.i will kill myself if this continues. home; a fucking place of solace and peace

2012-01-04T18:27:00.001+08:00

one day, the pain will stop. one day, you might stop loving me.one day, you would run out of reasons to love me.but i will never stop because that's the kind of love that runs deep in your veins.

2012-01-02T18:21:00.001+08:00

i am sorry.

2011-12-26T22:12:00.000+08:00

it's most painful to hurt the one you love.

updates

2011-12-22T19:24:00.011+08:00

- bkk again^^and a broken and confused heart.cambodia and bangkok were great.

inner struggle

2011-12-05T07:09:00.005+08:00

i could choose between "cool" and "just like the others". I would love to be with the original and different but i also know how unstable "cool" is. beneath those polished exteriors are flaky characters scarred by the wounds of yester days. i've always thought i was different but gradually i allowed myself to blend in.to be just like the others. the stable ones.Only at 20, did I start discovering

love

2011-12-02T07:59:00.007+08:00

please touch the depths of my heart,and maybe you could feel the crack in my soul.the one that has withered and withdrawn,the teardrop that's been shed recurringly,too much for you.the crack of your bones andthe smell of your warmth, could make me feellike i was never before.but i quickly withdrew, before I could yieldto such intensityand what my heart yearns.i've learnt to resist and I can't be

2011-11-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

You can't hold it too tightThese matters of securityYou don't have to be wound, so tightSmoking on the balcony.I still wish you could be the one,but we never get what we want all the time, do we?

2011-11-28T10:43:00.001+08:00

oh i cherished you.

perfect for me

2011-11-25T04:08:00.002+08:00

I don't think I've ever cried for anyone but you. The kind of tear that trickles down gently even when you close your eyes and pretend it's not there. The warmth of my teardrops remind me that I can still feel. I only wish I had met you when we were older. We would be perfect together.I will always love you. It's true.I prayed that I could give up ANYTHING just to be with you forever..it didn't

2011-11-22T14:11:00.003+08:00

Today I think i flunk my paper, lost my textbook, lost my wallet, took the wrong bus and ended up at east coast...subconscious, my hands started moving nimbly on my keypad to text..then i stopped.Is that independence? maybe i could wait for you but i need to masterthis ..because this isn't fun at all. my feelings are astir.

why does my heart feel so bad

2011-11-22T06:15:00.002+08:00

i can't relent, because i know if i do, i would fall head over heels and crash again when all is gone..even if this feels so bad.

2011-11-20T09:59:00.000+08:00

Run away. That's all I do.

2011-11-19T20:13:00.001+08:00

pain.

2011-11-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

i am old enough to know that things don't always go my way.):

2011-11-19T13:50:00.004+08:00

i love being alone at home. Not studying but just lying on my bed, doodling, singing out loud to the likes of manson and dope, reading,writing, eating..sleeping. ilove music. the cheesiness of rnb, the youthfullness of punkrock, the darker side of rock, the sensual symphonic beats of psychedelia...i morph into anything i listen to. i love music, everything.Anything but studying!At my happiest

reality

2011-11-19T13:18:00.001+08:00

i am not perfect but i think i become a little better everyday. people change.

2011-11-16T06:41:00.004+08:00

i realised that the worst part dawns when I am alone. it haunts me, fucking haunts me.i am fucking scared.my demons won't stop surfacing.Companioni've been nothing but energy and dynamism around you, if i weaved that negativity around you, would you still be there? Or would you rub me off because that complementary vase has turned jarringly obsolete.

2011-11-15T18:34:00.001+08:00

empty heart.

2011-11-08T23:42:00.001+08:00

at 17 i felt like i knew everything.At 20, it's like i skimmed the surface of a few things, missing out on a whole bulk of knowledge waiting for me delve into.i know nothing at all.

how to seduce a virgo woman

2011-11-02T14:29:00.001+08:00

http://xstrologyscopes.com/articles/virgo/how-to-seduce-a-virgo-womanoo lala

2011-11-01T05:04:00.002+08:00

darling, please don't tell me you have forgotten love;the butterflies in your stomach,what that tugs the deepest of your heart strings,i have forgetten.forgotten how to love with all my heart and all my soul.but baby you know,i always know you are going to set me right,the moment you left,i knew you would come back.i loved you so much i would have died for you. what changed? what really changed?

hush

2011-10-24T04:19:00.002+08:00

who loved you to the most? i was never ghostwhose love was in the line confusion in ya mindrunning outa time drama of all kindbut theres faith in your mind we spiritually inclined sometimes you flip, sometimes i flipsometimes we wild out and act like lunaticswe moving to fast, the whole world's in a rusheverybody just hushit's all a test, the pain, the drama the villa in the Bahamasthe highs and

days, transition

2011-10-16T16:00:00.001+08:00

my favourite backviewi've changed,but i still love you.

2011-10-16T12:50:00.003+08:00

immeasurable emptinessThere is method in my madness. With daisies as my crown and door ajar,I am running in the wilderness;Except,it's only in my head.I am stuck in the victorian era of flower madness.Beneath that powerful mind, I am lost,Again.There is method in my madness;I smell freedom.like crushed glass in the meadows, I am torn.

2011-10-16T09:48:00.001+08:00

i tried to seek refuge in you. but i felt worse.

2011-10-16T09:43:00.000+08:00

difference.

OH BLUSH

2011-10-09T09:53:00.000+08:00

Cancer and Virgo Compatibility: Compatible for the Commitment of a LifetimeThe two sun signs, Cancer and Virgo are quite different from each other, but still, when they are in a relationship, the compatibility quotient between them is quite high. The Virgo is a bit shy in nature and often finds it quite difficult to express their feelings in words. Still, when someone fails to understand them,

2011-10-07T02:05:00.000+08:00

love

2011-09-26T02:10:00.003+08:00

so if you want to know mecome try and find memaybe hide in my closetfucking get lost in it.do you know much i love you?

2011-09-26T02:09:00.001+08:00

everyone i love, i retract.

2011-09-20T01:04:00.001+08:00

deliberation, doubt.

2011-09-08T18:49:00.001+08:00

you were right. things are not the same anymore.

2011-08-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

2011-08-20T23:58:00.004+08:00

i never used to run away, but these days I run away from anything, everything. I even ran away from the one i love deeply with my whole heart. my baby, my baby. my one&only, to the depths of glory.

2011-08-20T20:57:00.005+08:00

i am tired, i am so tred. i just want to be alone. i have lost your trust and now you completely neglect my feelings. i just want to be alone.

2011-08-20T04:40:00.000+08:00

"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; They kill us for their sport." - William Shakespeare, King Lear, 4.1.36 i miss you i miss you i miss you

2011-08-17T05:57:00.000+08:00

we be so fragile.

2011-08-16T11:02:00.001+08:00

the thought of death; always so fleeting in my mind.........

the void

2011-08-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

2011-08-09T04:51:00.002+08:00

i dunno what the fuck i am doing i miss u guys, just the few. i am never ever happy.

something brief

2011-08-04T23:05:00.001+08:00

2011-08-01T18:52:00.001+08:00

I watched the night turned bright and the day turned dark from my bed. I think I know how it truly feels to have the world pass you by while remanining completely still. This must be how a bum feels.

2011-07-30T05:22:00.000+08:00

Type AB: The HumanistType-AB people are an unpredictable, distant lot, but tend to use their heads over their hearts. They are good with money. Type AB’s are the split personalities of the blood groups. They are considerate of other people’s feelings and deal with them with care and caution. On the other hand, though, they are strict with themselves and those close to them. They, therefore, seem

2011-07-28T05:43:00.000+08:00

here in this void alone; i feel happiest.

just like heaven

2011-07-25T00:13:00.007+08:00

this is for lovers running away.

2011-07-23T12:28:00.001+08:00

my cherished.

2011-07-23T05:24:00.000+08:00

i can't fucking sleep.i miss you.

2011-07-20T17:35:00.001+08:00

I would have cherished every last minute but you are never happy with just me anymore.I got too used to you and forgot you had to leave. I'm going for the kill, I am doing it for the thrill..This shouldn't be recreational, its more like an enhancement to life.Everything's more beautiful, tastes better, feels better, better.

harbour, harbour

2011-07-16T14:36:00.002+08:00

i love love love love this. i feel like i have a sea of images and emotions to pour out but here i am being arkward and inarticulate. I seem to have forgotten my passion of art and everything abstract. Now, I've become an adult, taking a spade for a spade. no longer questioning and craving to pen down emotions, events, flashes in my journal. Now everything's given a brief moment of thought and

2011-07-14T19:08:00.005+08:00

i thought you would understand. Maybe you don't.I keep putting my faith in wrong places.My general discontentment tortures me. I crave hardship, drama, problems, troubles, and issues. It almost seems like they make me feel alive. i could opt for oblivon bliss but my thoughts will always wander off. Only when I am down, I yearn comfort, stability and familiarity.It's this constant struggle I am

2011-07-08T02:16:00.000+08:00

i cannot quit.i walk the line like johnny cash.

a month

2011-07-06T11:35:00.002+08:00

I don't think i ever realise how much I love you until I see you.Or how pathetic I am without you. baby fendi scared to death on her way to sterilisation.There are so little things that I love. I don't need judgement, I just find it safer that way.

2011-07-03T18:05:00.001+08:00

never stressful when i m alone

erase me

2011-06-22T03:44:00.001+08:00

i keep on ducking, keep on duckingbut nothing helps, i can't stop missing you.

2011-06-21T15:07:00.009+08:00

DInner at akashi with little potato before he flies off to NZ photos of food attempt to seduce jonathan liew. OH LOOK AT THAT SALMON SASHIMI pan seared fatty tuna with unseen seaurchin sushi that i gulped down in a heartbeat codfish crab claws and jellyfish chawanmushi with sharksfin soft shell crab sushi some pricey peacheswish you were here x

2011-06-17T15:56:00.002+08:00

lately, i feel like i am back in a phase in the past. where i live every moment in a buzz and reality and my thoughts seem to react together in such beautiful unison. i love it.because when i am alone, i am really still the same; unchanged, untouched untainted. how could i have not missed this?

fear

2011-06-17T13:54:00.001+08:00

oh fuck forever, if you don't mind.you only hurt the ones who love you.

nights without you

2011-06-15T16:35:00.003+08:00

munchies and thoughts of you. What it do, baby blue Who am I, who are you Do you think That we could ever be One 'stead of two What it is About you is I love everything your kiss Your lips your eyes your nose you're perfect you're perfect for me

2011-06-13T03:42:00.000+08:00

Is it in me to feel the need to hurt people I love?I am sorry I don't know what I am doing sometimes.

2011-06-11T03:40:00.002+08:00

my little haven ^^

nights gallivanting

2011-06-10T18:03:00.008+08:00

awesome nights with meowmeow and pbeepbee darling hiding under the sheets while i stare blankly into space little meow passed out my babies i havent felt so comfortable in a group of 3 for a long time. and such genuinety.would have been drenched in misery if not for you.i've never known what's good for me. but surely i know i love you to pieces. Forgive me!

2011-06-10T08:20:00.000+08:00

don't leave my mind

2011-06-10T07:10:00.001+08:00

i am sorry. you could be my one and only, you will be my one and only.

2011-06-07T16:32:00.001+08:00

see you sooon curry porkxx

2011-06-04T15:56:00.002+08:00

i am counting down the days; my heart brimming with excitement and fear, hoping that everything remains the same when you are back. I am not talking about us remaining the same,but the feelings remaining the same.Each time, you make me so incredibly happy. It feels like days without you is a consistent struggle to stop thinking about you and do things that completely do not remind me of you.truth

my holidays thus far

2011-06-04T15:21:00.038+08:00

This is an extremely long post that consists of my bkk trip, a gig and babygirl's birthday all because of my laziness the past few days. All photos are from airna.1) Baobei's birthday Headed down to bee's place before her birthday then played munchkin with baby and her friends Celebrated baobei's birthday at USS Nicki sibung Crazy packed 2) Sweetjane at TABSBefore we went for the gig, had an

2011-05-31T15:52:00.001+08:00

bangkok amidst all the silly detours we make and the crazy amount of walking, was amazing.love you ^^

2011-05-30T00:53:00.002+08:00

my life is entwined with lies and self-delusion. There was a point in time I felt like I had everything in control. Now it seems like I can lose everything i love in a split second.you are always the one, I have always been clear.

what i have been up to

2011-05-20T15:57:00.022+08:00

the day babygirl and I went for javanese massage and did all sorts of gurly shit at lookers where we got so bored and decided to play with her new iphone app instead Dinner at morton's I LOVE THE LOBSTERSometimes I think i live to eat.

2011-05-07T22:14:00.002+08:00

from to moment that we're borntill we're old and tired,will we ever know me?chris cornell at his peak, in my opinion

2011-05-06T05:04:00.002+08:00

this is tooooooooooo weird.At MBK, i saw my senior who looks super straight,and he was with his gay friends. If you looook closely one is him kissing his v cute and pretty boyfriend and the onter one is them just being cute.this is too weird.

lay lay me down

2011-05-03T21:32:00.001+08:00

These days all I think about is rest

2011-05-02T11:28:00.002+08:00

Drawn into the backdrop hereYou could fade, you could fade away

a ritual gone in a puff of smoke

2011-05-01T16:46:00.003+08:00

BrosT'was a good day.

2011-04-30T13:28:00.016+08:00

What was supposed to be a mellow day out of shopping. Somehow we ended up at CQ BuzzedFelt so bad that baobei's boy had to come all the way down to drive her car back and sent us back.After that my crazy friends left me with no chocie when they drove over just to make me go nana with themi miss my alex.[1:39:05 PM] TONTON says: if one day u dont think[1:39:06 PM] TONTON says: i m cool[1:39:08 PM

Buzzed

2011-04-28T15:26:00.004+08:00

juls and myatSo I spent last night chilling with juls, myat and his girl ameline along with a couple others who came and left briefly.I know I am always busy and never have time and maybe i am different now but it felt good to be chilling after such a long time. these are my bros who known me since young.It's unfortunate that when we feel a storm,we can roll ourselves over 'cause we're

Don't Talk

2011-04-27T21:14:00.009+08:00

Last night- hilltop eduardo and andy sleazeToday- Had dinner at evans road then berry-go-round smoothie i am west side nigga don't fuck w me hahahahahhahahahahah Despite everything, I always maintain my smil because I am hardy like that.

2011-04-27T16:28:00.001+08:00

I must be doing something wrong. This is why I lost my wallet and ic (second time). On top of that i have to spend thousand odd in total for my tooth.I must be doing something wrong.

karma

2011-04-27T08:15:00.003+08:00

yesterday was my curry and my 3years3monthsi love matching dates like that 3.3i was at work and then i saw alexander and eduardo. i haven't seen them for months, they asked why i always disappear and then work a dodgy job like that. i don't like rich party goers like that. it was the weirdest thing.

2011-04-25T18:03:00.001+08:00

[6:02:27 PM] TONTON says: do u love weed+friends more than me[6:02:50 PM] Alex Phua says: i give you an equation[6:02:52 PM] Alex Phua says: YOU > EVERYTHING ELSE[6:02:56 PM] Alex Phua says: no inequalityaw, you have successfully warmed my cockles.

the day i chipped my tooth

2011-04-24T12:54:00.007+08:00

jiejie and gorgor fat rolandbob dylan with the best friend:i look so ugly now ):

cute things

2011-04-23T16:49:00.009+08:00

lol check out fat baby jon batbat baby fend my love.

2011-04-19T12:33:00.003+08:00

qtpie <3if we don't say it, doesn't mean we don't feel it.

we are a fever, we ain't born typical

2011-04-18T12:01:00.017+08:00

Yesterday, I met baobei for dimsum&food cucumber & fungus pig trotters chicken feet mini pork ribs dan dan noodles har kow, chilli oil dumplings and misc ma po tofu steamed egg that looks like a sun.This was what happened when we were driven by hunger and mild depression. We just ordered anything we want. The tofu was so fucking spicy we felt like we were in a food competition. Being

don't give a fuck

2011-04-14T18:52:00.006+08:00

too cute. i love my 2pac but i am sure he approve of kid cudi. ^^why the fuck is it censored though!!Last but not least, my favourite of kanye.Listen to Nicki Minaj in it shes amazzzzzzzzzzing!!gossip gossipniggas just stop it,everybody knows i'm a muthafuckin monster.